


Nandemonaiya

by makuramotou



Category: Notice Me Senpai! (Video Game)
Genre: Drama, M/M, RushHour Cafe, Teacher-Student, angsty i think, other minor pairings - Freeform, the owner's name is Ryouta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:37:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9788096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makuramotou/pseuds/makuramotou
Summary: He looked up to him more than a student would to his teacher.A little more.... just a bit more....He thought they stood on the same ground.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Long read ahead.  
> Took me months to finish this TToTT I was thinking of giving this for the holidays to a writer I love, but look it's already February! oTL
> 
> I hope you like it. 
> 
> yup, title from Radwimps' _Nandemonaiya_

_He is the dark sky in the night of a new moon._

“Ren-kun? Does anyone in the class know where Ren-kun is?”

_The thorns blossoming out of a rose’s body,_

“Reiji-kun, do you know?”  
“No, sir. I didn’t see him during lunch either.”  
“Well...please tell him that he should refrain from cutting classes next time. You read the next paragraph, Takeru-kun.”

_The dark rings of an aged wood..._

“Class, remember to turn in your slips to Kyouya-sensei. It’s very important, and, as young as you are now, your decision will steer what you will be in the future—so please think about your choices with deep thought.”

_The wick of a candle...?_

_Maybe I’ll run out of metaphors,  
Before I can even describe   
An enigma like you..._

 

 

The school’s rooftop is almost as vast as the blue sky. Alone on the white concrete floors splays Ren, napping under the shade of the school’s water tank. He’s lying flat on the rough surface; his left hand resting on his stomach while his extending right hand holds the small mp3 player where his ever-in-his-ears earphones is plugged. Time pass by him like he’s a tree rooted and unmoving while everything around him go by.

_'Silent..._

 

_It’s too silent here...'_

 

***  
 __

_“Hey,”  
The sound of the metal rings sliding against the curtain pole roused Ren, aside from hearing the firm, loud voice. He opened one eye to find everyone’s _favourite _teacher.  
“Kyouya-sensei...”  
“What’s wrong with you?”  
He meant to ask what is medically or physically wrong with the student to be spending time on the clinic bed. Ren gave him a lazy but straightforward answer.  
“I can’t sleep at the rooftop.”  
If Kyouya-sensei’s brows got any closer to each other, Ren couldn’t say. His forehead was too scrunched to tell.  
“Ren-kun has a fever. I asked him to stay and take a rest here.” Haruka-sensei shouted from the other side of the room.  
The student’s lazy eyes looked at the raven haired teacher--_‘so he says’ _.  
What he didn’t expect is for a large palm to land on his forehead.  
“That so? Get well soon, Ren-kun.”  
The teacher retrieved his hand and walked away from the bed to talk with his co-employee. _

_It was void of affection, but Ren remembers every word and replays it in his head._

 

***

 

It becomes a tolerated habit when he comes to the school’s clinic to take naps. Haruka-sensei reminds him about his attendances, but never asks him to leave. To him, Haruka-sensei is a fine adult. Someone he can stand being with.  
Everytime he naps, he has his earphones plugged in his ears. What he listens to, no one actually knows.

 

“‘Enigma’ is an overly stated word.”  
Most of the time, Kyouya-sensei hangs out there to drink coffee. He overhears the two teacher’s conversation from the dark corner of the clinic where the bed he’s lying on is placed.  
 _“....‘Enigma’ is an overly stated word....”_ he whispers to himself. It’s like he’s having an unofficial class while listening to two grown-ups about their life principles and opinion.

 

***

 

_An ~~enigma~~ like you..._

 

***

 

He spends his free time browsing the spines of different records and books in the school library. Ren has low hopes, but this is one of the few habits he has that he can exude effort on in his everyday cycle.   
As he strolls in between oaken shelves of antiquity, he meets Kyouya-sensei.  
“Good afternoon, Kyouya-sensei.”  
“Oh. Ren-kun.”   
The teacher returns his attention to the books after glancing at the student.

 _‘It’s almost like he didn’t even acknowledge me.’_

Ren resumes his hopeless searching, not wanting to feel embarrassed after being ignored.

“‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream.’”

He slowly directs his eyes to Kyouya-sensei; he thought his presence was ignored just a while ago.

“It’s a good read for someone who’s looking to be entertained.” Kyouya-sensei turns to face him and hands him a book freshly picked from the shelf. 

“Have you read this, sensei?”  
“I wouldn’t recommend it if I haven’t. We read it for literature class.”   
“What else can you say about it?”  
“It was good. I’ve read it many times before...whenever I want something happy.”  
“Do you still read it now?”

Kyouya-sensei keeps on picking a book, checking the back, and returns it. It takes some time before Ren hears a reply.

“Somewhere along, it just couldn’t keep me amused.”  
“...You got tired of it?”  
“No.”   
Sensei returns the last book he checked,  
“I was sixteen then. Now, it’s different.”  
His hand lingers on the edge of the shelf  
“It couldn’t keep up with what I’m trying to overcome.”

 

***

 

“Hey, Ren, can I ask for your word on...oh,”  
Reiji stops by the armrest of the couch where Ren usually sleeps. The scientist notices a paperback beside his friend.  
“You’re reading?”  
“No. I got bored. So, what is it?”

 

***

 

It’s November.   
The third year students should be looking for prospect universities and their future plans. Their teachers help them assess their future with a piece of paper.

_“With your talent, you should...”  
“Ren-kun, how about...”  
“Why don’t you...”_

His teachers have high hopes for him. Even his classmates are expecting him to enter Tokyo U, among other prestigious schools. His parents aren’t as vocal, but he knows through the colourful pamphlets constantly spread on their living room’s table. They never talk openly about things--his mother worries, but is more worried about how she should be a mother than actually being a mother; his father can tolerate anything as long as Ren does not do anything that’ll scar their family name.

But he’s actually getting tired. Tired of other people talking about _his own_ future.

The only adult he knows that doesn’t bug him about his life choices is Kyouya-sensei...That teacher never actually voices out his opinion of other people.

 

For the nth time, he opens the book he constantly keeps with him.

 

 

***

 

“Ren-kun, wake up.”  
The student stirs from his comfortable sleeping position. When he opens his eyes, he sees Kyouya-sensei looming beside him; he feels large palm on his forehead.  
“You’re not ill. Don’t sleep here in the nurse’s office.”  
“Hnn? Why not, sensei?”  
“Because I said so. There are things that don’t need further explanations, just go.”

He knows it’s not particularly prohibited in the student handbook, but Ren obliges. He sits up and leaves the clinic and the raven haired teacher alone.

 

It’s November; but Ren lies on the concrete floor of the school’s rooftop, watching the few migratory birds in the sky.

 

-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-‘-

 

Ren’s relatives visit them before the holidays. While the adults are busy with cooking and catching up, he’s tasked—more like in his instinct—to watch over his seven year-old cousin, or nephew. He isn’t sure.

“Ne, Ren-nii, what are you listening to?”  
“Hm? Nothing much...nothing that you’ll be interested in.”  
Ren stands up from the couch,  
“Ren-nii, where are you going?”  
 _‘Far away from this noisy nest of grown-ups...’_  
“Do you want to go with me?”

 

Downtown, the colourful lights and decors liven up the dreary sky. It’s a blessing to Ren that there are fewer people than he expected, but he holds his kid relative’s hand anyway.   
“The sky is gloomy, ne?” the child says; he’s been looking up to the white and grey skies.  
“N-n...Do you know why its color is like that?” Ren says,  
“Why?”  
“...Because...Mister Sky has gathered so many snow that it filled his house and spread all over. Now his once blue house is filled with white snow.”  
The kid starts to brighten up, eyes shining  
“Then—”  
“He’s gonna start scattering the snow. Soon.” Ren smiles to the child  
“Wow!! That’s amazing! I wonder how Mr. Sky’s place looks like. It must be filled with lots and lots of snow!!”   
“Yup.” 

 

Ren turns to the shop he’s meaning to be at. He lets the kid enter the open doorway first.

“Ren-nii!!” The kid bounces as he wordlessly asks Ren’s approval for him to go to the colourful section of children’s books. As soon as Ren nods, the kid flies off to the soft puzzle floors, searching for whatever to read.

The shop is where he usually gets his audio records, videos and books—a well-lit hub of new prints and garage materials. Spending time there is better than listening to his mother and his relatives talk about other people, zumba and other uninteresting stuff.

He checks out the old audio CDs on sale; tracing the spines with his index finger. He starts to pick out a few albums and stack them on top of the other unearthed CDs.  
“Oh! Isn’t it Ren?”  
He hears the happy voice beside him  
“Shun.”  
“Yo! I didn’t know you come to this kind of place, too! I haven’t seen you at RushHour cafe in a while...”  
“That place is packed during this season...I can’t take a nap there.”

Shun sees the stack of CDs which look like Ren has picked.

“I thought you just download them...” the gamer points to the purple-outlined headphones hanging on his own neck, meaning for Ren’s own.  
“...I find some here that are unavailable online. What about you?”  
“I’m looking for old consoles--”  
“Shun-chan?” a girl calls from behind the nearest bookshelf,  
“That’s me! I should get going. Good luck with your hunt, Ren!”  
Ren sees his schoolmate leave, though his eyes auto-focus farther, at a black-haired man with a familiar cut—that of Kyouya-sensei’s—but he can’t tell if it’s the teacher because he can’t see the face. The man is stooping to a tray of scholarly books.  
He’s getting quite sure it’s Kyouya-sensei...because beside the man stands Haruka-sensei.

_‘They’re still together outside school...must be great...’_

The second he affirms Kyouya-sensei’s face, Ren darts back to his hunt--feeling more irritated and less enthusiastic about what he’s doing.  
“Ren-nii?”  
He reawakens when he heard the small voice  
“K-Kouki-kun...What’s up?”  
The boy’s brows are scrunched in fear and in concern. The eyes he just saw from Ren were different from the usually lazy ones...

Ren squats to be on the same level as the boy’s face.

“Seen something you like?”  
The boy stares down and purses his lips  
“...well, I can get you two, okay?”  
Happiness spreads through the small face   
“Thanks, Ren-nii!”   
The little airplane leaves Ren again. The highschool student acting like a doting uncle...or cousin. When he stands up, his back hits on something.  
Or someone.

His droopy eyes widen with mixed feelings of surprise, tinge of frustration that makes him want to run away,   
And a guilty joy upon the chance.

“S-sorry.” Ren mutters.  
“I apologize. My fault I didn’t see you there.”  
Ren’s eyes look below. _‘Have you ever?’_

Kyouya-sensei turns to the stack of CDs among the others lined up neatly. He finds three albums of Last Alliance, one of Siam Shade, and two of Spitz. 

“Seems we’ll never meet in music.” He says, and then starts to index-hunt for himself.  
Ren’s never thought of the music he listen to as tacky, but hearing his sensei’s comment makes him a bit downhearted.  
“What about you...? What kind of music do you listen to, sensei?” the student asks  
“...Nothing you’ll be interested in.” 

“Oh! Ren-kun, so you also come to this place, huh?” Haruka-sensei spots them, and eyes the stacked-up records.  
“You listen to Spitz? Do you also listen to Galileo Galilei?”  
“n..uh...yeah.”   
“Wow...I didn’t know there are some young people who likes Spitz...We share the same spectrum, Ren-kun! How about Radwimps? This school nurse may not be young, but I know good music when I hear them~”  
It’s as if Haruka-sensei has met his grandson with the happiness he exudes. At the back of Ren’s mind, he thinks of a hundred questions about the two sensei in front of him, starting with their contrasting ends on music. But then, Ren doesn’t actually know what Kyouya-sensei’s ears favour to.

From past Haruka-sensei’s shoulder, Ren eyes what kind of record will Kyouya-sensei pick.

_‘...Jobim...?’_

He can’t read the rest of the words in the CD’s spine because Haruka-sensei suddenly flailed his hand as he starts to talk about Kawabe Chieko to the student. 

The only other thing Ren noticed was the smile Kyouya-sensei’s lips formed before he headed to the counter, leaving Haruka-sensei in the student’s hands.

“So, what can you say, Ren-kun?” Haruka-sensei leans to the student’s face with shining eyes.   
“Uh...hai...I...think so, too...?” he’s not really sure what Haruka-sensei asked him about. He’s getting double-vision with Haruka-sensei too close.  
“You do?! That’s just great!” by the reaction, it seemed a safe answer. Kyouya-sensei returns to them after making his purchase to find that his companion is still babbling about.  
“Hey, Haruka, I think it’s time for us to—”  
“Ren-nii!!!”  
The child dunks his face to Ren’s lower torso; a hand clings to his jacket while the other holds the storybooks close to the boy’s chest. The two adults look at the dear scene.  
“Ren-nii...?” the child eyes the strangers before him  
“You got your books?” Ren places a hand on Kouki’s head  
“Nn!”  
“Let’s go to the counter, then.”  
“Hai!” the boy once again goes ahead of Ren. The three men stare at the running child. 

“It suits you.”  
Kyouya-sensei’s words surprise Ren. His eyes go from Kouki to his teacher. Even when he can barely see, he’s sure Kyouya-sensei’s face has a soft expression. 

 

 

-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-

 

“Ren-kun, wake up.”  
The student stirs from his comfortable sleeping position. When he opens his eyes, he sees Kyouya-sensei looming beside him.

“Hnn? Sensei?”

He pushes the ‘pause’ button on his mp3 player as if it’s a natural part of his hand, but he doesn’t remove his earphones. 

“What did I tell you about sleeping in the sickbed? What if someone who needs it comes in and finds _you_ lying there?”  
“Sensei...”  
“Ren-kun has a cold. He didn’t want to be absent, but...well...” Haruka-sensei justifies, his voice coming from the other side of the room. 

“...didn’t you think I’d need it?” the student asks Kyouya-sensei with a weak voice.

_‘If only I could ask Touya to draw Kyouya-sensei’s face right now...  
But then again...It’s the same as his usual frown. Can’t he even look remorseful?’ _

“Sorry.” Kyouya-sensei says calmly.

“Who wouldn’t get a cold if you sleep on the rooftop in this time of the year?” Haruka-sensei adds.  
“Who in his right mind will do that in this time of the year?” Kyouya-sensei argues. 

 

 

*-*-*-*

 

He must not really be in his right mind, Ren thinks; if he’s starting to feel _something_ more than respect for the elder teacher whenever he sees Kyouya-sensei.  
Somehow, behind his closed eyes, he can still see the dignified figure of the raven-haired teacher.

The lyrics of his favourite song become meaningless murmurs to his ears that lull him to his slumber.

 

 

*-*-*-*

 

No bookmarks, no folds.

Kyouya-sensei inspects a lone pocketbook left by one of his students. He has a hunch, but he’s not sure; there are too few clues as to whom the owner is. Upon the sunset light, the white parts of the book cover are painted orange just like everything else in the room.

“S-sensei...” 

The owner—Kyouya-sensei’s senses tell him—returned to gather his forgotten article. By the open doorway stands Ren, huffing; as if he ran back to the room coming from blocks away.  
“So you’re reading it.” Kyouya-sensei says, eyeing the book he’s holding. Ren walks watchfully towards his desk, where the teacher is standing beside.  
“Yes...”  
“Finished it already?” the teacher hands him the book; he takes it with slight casualness  
“Nn...” Ren shrugs. He’s looking at the farthest thing his eyes can see, just to avoid looking at Kyouya-sensei.

 

The next afternoon, when everyone but Ren has left the classroom, Kyouya-sensei walks towards his desk and places atop a glass-encased disk. The student stares at the object, waiting for the teacher to say what it is and what he should do with it.

“It’s an audiobook.”

Ren has read the title of the CD.

“But I already have the book.” he tilts up his head to look at Kyouya-sensei  
“I doubt you’ve finished it.”  
“...but...this is in English...” he tries to reason, though what the teacher said is true to his case.  
“Don’t fool me. You just read the title, right?”

 

He feels his facial muscles involuntarily move, but the smile doesn’t show until Ren makes it past the door of the coop called his bedroom. Beyond the headache and the several words he doesn’t understand, the thought of Kyouya-sensei going through the trouble makes Ren fired up to finish the classic.

 

 

The naps at the rooftop become brow-scrunching times for Ren. His earphones is not connected to the small mp3 player he used to bring with him; this time, it’s a portable CD player. The lightest change and effort to carry the round machine surprises even his friend Reiji.

 

 

-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-

 

“Ren-kun,”  
“Yes, sir?”  
“It seems you still haven’t turned in your future plans slip.”   
Ren’s homeroom teacher eyes him with mixes of concern, irritation, and impatience.  
“I’m giving you until January. I hope you can give it a good thinking and find the answer during the winter break, okay? This is your future we’re talking about; if you want to talk, I’m all ears...”  
The student drowns the words out even though his mind can’t help but comprehend.  
“...and don’t forget, after winter break. Give it either to me or to Kyouya-sensei, got it?” 

 

 

 

_Everyone says I’m lazy...but why do they still have high expectations of me?  
I’m fine with my life just as it is now; why do we have to change?  
To leave school, grow up and be an adult...and adult that other adults expect us to be...  
Can’t things just stay the way they are?  
_

*Stop*

 

The last track has stopped playing, and for the third time Ren plays it again because he gets lost somewhere in the middle and just couldn’t listen towards the end. 

 

It seems that everyone in the graduating class has something that they want to be, something they’re passionate about. Reiji loves science, and is committed to science. Touya loves art and loves making art. Suzuki and Yamato have chosen their paths as well. Whereas Ren is afloat; he’s good at everything and can do anything. They say ‘start with what you like’, but nothing has really sparked interest in him. There’s nothing that he’s particularly passionate about. 

_But..._  
There is some _one_ that has sparked his interest. An insatiable curiosity for someone.  
 _that doesn’t count, right?_

 

 

-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-,-

 

It’s the last school day before the early winter break. Everyone’s talking about vacation, if not preparing for entrance exams. The holiday mood gets a bit sullied by an offhand sleet.

Ren, who has a lazy streak, didn’t bring an umbrella even when he thought he’d seen the forecast in the evening news. He’s now stuck in school, waiting for the rain to stop. 

His droopy eyes idly survey the lonely school entrance—the other students who were better judges in bringing their own parasols, other idiots who let themselves be rained on...  
And Kyouya-sensei just some feet away at his left, giving his transparent umbrella to Haruka-sensei and a female teacher. The school nurse and the female teacher walk away, taking Kyouya-sensei’s umbrella, but leaves him behind...

The scenario unsettles Ren, but all he could do is stare.  
Then Kyouya-sensei meets his gaze—  
Reflex makes Ren’s eyes wander somewhere else. But he can feel it, he feels Kyouya-sensei walking towards him.

_Closer...  
And closer..._

But the teacher walks past him. Ren’s not sure if he’s relieved or disappointed about that; he didn’t dare to look behind him.

He’s back to people watching. Whatever he’s listening to becomes drowned noises against the rain’s showering sound. He finishes a song or two, but still the rain goes on.

_*flop*_

The lyrics become slightly clearer as Ren feels something enclose him from the head. A thick, black coat has been placed on his head; and aside from the rich, calming scent, Ren suddenly feels warm.

“You can get to the bus station relatively dry. I don’t have an umbrella.” He hears the familiar voice; Ren peers to his side from the overhead coat  
“Kyouya-sensei...?”   
His droopy eyelids start to fully display his jade eyes.  
“The rain will only get stronger. If you don’t leave now, you could be stuck here and spend your first night of the winter break in school.”  
Words escape Ren’s train of thought. _Is this really Kyouya-sensei? The calculating and cool teacher...lends his own coat as a raincoat for his student?_  
“But how will I--”  
“Don’t worry about returning it. You can give it back when school resumes.”  
There’s still the proud aura in Kyouya-sensei. Even his strong face doesn’t show any trace of his kind gesture.  
“Kyouya-sensei,” another teacher walks towards them, cutting the scene for Ren, “the principal is looking for you.”   
“I’ll be there.”  
Just like that and Kyouya-sensei turns his back on Ren...leaving him like a kid with a stiff blanket over his head.

 

 

~’~’~’~’~’~’~’~’~’~’~’~’~’~’

 

This is probably him getting ahead of himself, but Ren thinks that there’s something invisible that’s forming between him and his teacher. It’s not the common student-teacher bond, that at least he’s sure.

He just wants to be close to the raven-haired sensei that everyone has the misconception of fearing. He wants to scratch beneath the proud mask and know _Kyouya_ more than what he already knows.

He wants to read the same books Kyouya has read. He wants to listen to the music Kyouya listens to. If they’re audiobooks, then fine; he can manage. Ren wants to know more, and he wants Kyouya to know about himself, too.  
He’s willing to bet everything for a chance...for a confirmation. 

 

The night before the New Year, Ren and his schoolmates plan to meet up and go to the shrine together, and probably witness the first sunrise with eyes open wide.  
They are to meet by the first toori marking the stairs leading to the shrine.

“It’s a sea of people here!!” Yuu exclaims. The young-looking senior wears a pink kimono that makes him look like a little sister of Ren. In their company are Soujiro, Souh, Takeru, Makoto and Reiji.

“Why are you wearing kimono anyway, YuYu?” Reiji starts a conversation as they wait for the others  
“Oh? Don’t I look cute in this? I saw Souji-chan and thought it’s cute, so I asked his grandma to lend me one! Ne~, Souji-chan?”  
“B-but this is...it’s a family tradition...of some sort....The elders of our family said it’s to ward off bad luck from the sons of the family...” Soujiro looks like a Yamato Nadeshiko with his elaborate blue kimono.   
“You didn’t have to look this beautiful!” Makoto states.  
“I’d say...I’m in love!!!” Hajime zooms towards the Yamato Nadeshiko, holding both hands up to their chests as he leans his face close with just a two-inch distance between their noses.   
“H-Hajime-kun, it is I, Soujiro!”  
“‘Soujiko’? What a unique name, my love!”

The festivities heighten with the arrival of their friends. Though Ren likes quiet places for naps, he can tolerate loud places when he’s with them. When they are completed, they squeeze in to the crowded line to the shrine. 

 

“What did you pray for, Ren?” Reiji asks. They’re settled on a spot within the shrine’s area where there’s fewer people. Some of them cued in line to get their fortune slips while the others just wait for them to return and for the sun to rise.

“I won’t tell. How about you?”

“Hmp...Me? I prayed that everyone will get to pass on their target uni....or that each one of us could be what we wish ourselves to be.”  
“....That’s generous of you.”   
_How nice...To wish not for oneself._

 

“Who wants cup ramen?”  
“But, Souma, how are we gonna--”  
“I brought some hot water, Wakatoshi-dono.”  
“Souh? You brought five thermoses?!! How in the world--?!”   
“I’m one hell of a butler~”

Amidst the merriments, Ren gazes at the sea of people. Looking for a needle in a haystack.  
He starts and hops off his seat and runs to the crowd.  
“Ren-kun?!” Touya calls to him  
“I-I’ll be back.”

 

As if the gods have heard his prayer, Ren sees Kyouya-sensei—alone, without Haruka-sensei—walking against the flow of the shrine-goers. He chases after, but keeps distance before they reach the last step of the stair from the shrine.

The dark road is almost empty except for the few people going to the shrine. The few lamps and faraway houselights from framed windows hardly lighten the deep blue night. Ren just follows behind, waiting for his nerves to calm down before he can talk to the teacher.

 

The foot chase brings him to a fenced edge at some part of the public park. Ren tries his best not to make the slightest scrunching sound of snow against his steps. Kyouya-sensei stops under the light of a lamppost and has Ren wondering if he’s expecting to meet someone there.

“Here’s a better spot for the sunrise.”  
Loud and clear. It’s as if it was meant for Ren to hear. Realizing that his efforts to hide his presence are futile, Ren walks closer to the light encircling Kyouya-sensei.

“I thought you wouldn’t notice me...”

“Hn. Ask Kei-kun how to be a better ninja.”

“...I-I’m not trying to be...”

Ren won’t look up to meet Kyouya-sensei face-to-face. He just sees the film of air from the teacher’s breathing. He can feel that there’s a slight tension in the air. Will Kyouya-sensei shout at him? Will he get reprimanded for tailing a teacher who’s on vacation?

“Did you go to the shrine?” Kyouya-sensei asks him. It’s far from what Ren expects to hear, but answers nonetheless for the sake of conversation.  
“Yeah.”  
“With your family?” the teacher’s black shoes crush the snow under his feet as he turns to the open side of the cliff.  
“...Reiji and the others...we’re waiting for the first sunrise.” Ren still won’t look up.  
“Hmm...that’s great.”

Then there’s a pause. A silence that hails too many thoughts. 

“...then why are you here? Why did you follow me?”

 

Ren really couldn’t form the convincing answers. 

“Because I want to follow you...”  
 _I wanted to see you..._

“You should return to them, Ren-kun. It could be the last you’re meeting with everyone for this event...When you graduate from highschool, you’ll be busy, have conflicting schedules or some may have someone else to spend his new year’s eve with.”

“I don’t want to graduate, sensei.” 

Kyouya-sensei turns to look at his student. Ren still has his head hung low.

“I don’t understand.”  
It was slightly louder than Ren’s normal voice.

“Growing up...becoming an adult...and living our lives how society wants us to be? Aside from you and Haruka-sensei, all the other adults put this weight on me...Pressuring me to move to the path they want me to take. There’s so many they want me to be, but why can’t we choose to stay as we are, sensei...why can’t we stay...?” 

The teacher’s brows are starting to meet

“What should I do, sensei? I...I...”

Ren lifts his head when a heavy cloud starts at his forehead  
“I don’t want to understand anymore...but you’re the only one that keeps me on ground, Sensei...”

“I don’t wanna leave you...I just want to be by your side...” he exhales.

 

In an open place where snow settles, Ren feels awfully warm and out of air. A heavy silence seems to have formed between them.

“Is that all?”

Kyouya-sensei tilts his head up, his exhale forming a fog. The meeting eyebrows eased up.

“The adults you hate...I’m one of them. If you hate them, then hate me, too. Because this adult, with the others you so despise, have been working and fighting for your sake. I know you understand what I’m saying, Ren-kun.”

There’s authority in Kyouya-sensei’s voice, though he’s not in the reprimanding tune.

“I didn’t become a teacher to cage students in school. It’s your choice how you could make yourself to stay. There are more than a thousand other paths, but in the end it’ll all be your choice; this adult in front of you wants you to live the life you want, but don’t hurt my pride, or your other teachers’, by getting held back on purpose.”

The next words bite at Ren  
“And don’t make me your anchor. I don’t want that responsibility.”

 

.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,.

 

 

_**From: Ultra Scientist_Reiji  
Sent: 01/01/xx 03:18am  
Where are you?! ** _

_**From: Takeru  
Sent: 01/01/xx 04:00am  
Ren, are you coming back? Reiji’s hysterical and Yuu cried because you won’t answer his calls. Where are you now?** _

_**From: MamaTouya  
Sent: 01/01/xx 05:12am  
Ren-kun, I hope you can see the sunrise from where you are right now. I hope you could at least reply.** _

_**From: Bakatoshi  
Sent: 01/01/xx 05:13am  
U dead? If ur not knocked down by punks and ur still alive, reply dammit! If Touya cries coz of u Imma kill you!** _

_**From: Bakatoshi  
Sent: 01/01/xx 05:13am  
I take the last words back coz Touya saw it but reply dude** _

__

_****_

Those were just a few from all the 67 messages, 34 missed calls and 9 voice messages from his friends.

 

_**  
To: Bakatoshi  
Sent: 01/01/xx 05:27am  
Alive. Tell Mama Touya I’m ok.  
HNY to you all.** _

_**From: Bakatoshi  
Sent: 01/01/xx 05:27am  
We’re still here. Come here at once!  
** _

 

His friends are the best medicine, but there’s still a void inside Ren that just won’t go away.   
The remaining days of his winter break pass him like a movie that has no distinct scenes. He wants to forget the words, but is left with too much to forget. Every article in his room reminds him of Kyouya-sensei and his words that are null of emotion. If there was, Ren didn’t feel any. 

What he confirmed that night is that there is a wall between him and the teacher he admires the most. An unbreakable wall.

 

 

-`-`--`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`-`--

“Oh, Ren-kun! What brings you here?”  
The student stands at the hallway, right before the doorway to the faculty room.  
“I...I have something to return to Kyouya-sensei.”  
“Ah, he’s not here at the moment,”  
“Uhm, no, sir, I was hoping you could--”  
“He must be at the clinic, son. The clinic!”  
The P.E. teacher just enthusiastically sent him away, Ren thinks, as he walks away from the faculty room.

 

 

“Oh, Ren-kun! What brings you here?”  
The student is standing at the hallway, right before the door to the clinic.

“I have...I have something for Kyouya-sensei.”  
“I’ll call him for you—”  
“N-no. Please, don’t...just...I hope you could give this to him, Haruka-sensei.”  
“Haruka-sensei!!! Please help--!” a student comes running to the doorway, unconsciously pushing Ren. He nearly falls his back flat but miraculously stays standing, leaning. He’s as agape at the student as also is Haruka-sensei.

“What’s wrong?”  
“A student slipped by the school gate, w-were afraid he’s got a broken limb or something! Please, Haruka-sensei--!”  
“I’ll be right there, Ren-kun, sorry—oh, look! Kyouya’s right behind you! I must go!”

The school nurse and the anonymous student run towards the incident, whereas Ren is still as a log, hugging the paperbag he’s holding out to Haruka-sensei a while ago.

And here is Kyouya-sensei behind him, hands on Ren’s shoulders to keep him from falling. The student almost loses oxygen in his lungs as he held his breath in—as if bracing himself for something. He’s paralyzed in the moment.

“Are you alright?”  
Ren feels the vibration caused by the firm voice. It’s how close they are in their current situation.  
But instead of giving a reply, or facing Kyouya-sensei, Ren runs away.

 

 

 

“Oh, it’s Ren-kun again!”  
The student is standing at the hallway, right before the door to the clinic—again. Failing at his morning mission, he opts to unwind. When supposedly all students run to the cafeteria, he goes for a nap at the clinic during lunch, even when Kyouya-sensei has told him a million times not to.

It’s because Haruka-sensei lets him be.

“So, did you get to talk with Kyouya?”  
“...n-n.”

Ren slumps on his favourite bed while Haruka-sensei just goes on with checking his inventory. As in his routine, he enjoys a cup of tea and some music before he digs in his bento. Even with his earphones, the external music flow into Ren’s ears. He eyes the small cassette-CD player on Haruka-sensei’s table. 

“It’s Jobim.” Haruka-sensei feels Ren’s curiosity even with his back turned.

 _‘Jobim...Why is that familiar?’_

Haruka-sensei hands him a CD case which in Ren’s mind seems like he’s seen it before.

“It’s a Christmas gift from Kyouya.”

His eyes might look lazy, but there’s a mix of curiosity and a tinge of jealousy in the way Ren’s eyes drift to Haruka-sensei. That this person knows Kyouya-sensei in a level that he calls him without any honorific, and that the raven-haired teacher knows Haruka-sensei to the point that he’d even give the nurse a Christmas gift.  
Whereas Ren just got slammed to being an immature child when he thought he could stand on the same ground as Kyouya-sensei.

“‘Once I Loved’.”

Ren eyes Haruka-sensei inquiringly; the nurse just said something out of the blue.  
“This song...It’s track number 9.”

 

 

 

Ren thinks it was as if everything around him wants him to give up. Since then, his eyes rarely look towards the board during Kyouya-sensei’s class, and instead his eyes drift to the outdoors if not at the constant lines in his notebook; his index finger unconciously sweeps in between the empty spaces.

Kyouya-sensei doesn’t even bother him when he’s at the clinic. The teacher rarely comes by for coffee with Haruka-sensei even.

Ren doesn’t know why Kyouya-sensei doesn’t hang around the clinic like before. Despite the longing in his heart, Ren thinks that it’s all for the better. 

 

 

~'~,~'~~,~~',~'',~~',~,,~~'~

 

 

Spring is around the corner. With the season getting warmer, the school holds its Sports fest. A bit unlikely time, but the third year students decide to enjoy the last event before their nearing graduation. The first and second years cheer on their seniors with loud voices and banners. An event too festive for Ren’s taste.  
He participated, though. He tried. 

So here he lies in his favourite bed in the clinic room, recuperating from a mild heatstroke. His P.E. shirt-clad back is drying its sweat on the bed sheets but he doesn’t mind. An arm over his forehead, his other hand holding his mp3 player, earphones plugged and connected to his ears.

Everyone knows Ren is not totally into sports and physical exertion; but neither is the reason why he decides to stay in the clinic even when his body feels better. It’s his head—his mind, his heart.

_“Oi, pass me the ball, Kurou!”  
“Takahiro-kun, water, please!”  
_

The outside noises permeate the singularly populated clinic room; what calls Ren’s attention is the soft rattling of the sliding door. He doesn’t even move his arm to peek at the person who entered until his arm gets moved and a huge, warm palm softly lands on his forehead--a familiar touch.

The warmth pricks through his heart, urging him to reluctantly look at the person looming above him.

"What are you doing, sensei?"  
Ren always spoke slowly in a low tone.   
"Are you feeling better?"   
But this is unusually whisper-like for Kyouya's voice.   
The warm palm retreats with what Ren thinks is a tinge of alarm.  
"Haruka said you were feverish. He asked me to check on you." 

Both couldn't look at the other in the eye. 

"I'm better."  
 _'I can't let you think of me as a kid...again.'_  
Ren sits up and hangs his legs on the bedside; the sudden movement makes his head throb, making his feet aimlessly reach for his rubber shoes. 

Watching makes Kyouya's brows scrunch and he sighs  
"Haaah... Let me."  
He stoops down to hold Ren's right ankle while his other hand reach the corresponding shoe.   
"You untie the laces?"  
"Well, I had to remove my shoes for the bed, right?"

"...is it odd?"  
Kyouya-sensei's hand slides to Ren's heel, just before he puts the shoe.  
"I do the same."

_' We do the same...'_

He starts tying the shoelaces carefully...the moment is like taking ages while Ren just hangs his head down and watches...watches for the strings to be tied.  
One over the other. A pull.  
"Sensei,"  
One loop.   
"...do you think King Oberon was right?"  
Another loop.   
"...Did you think that Demetrius' love was real?"   
Tying them together.   
"What makes you say that? What do you think, sensei?"  
"I think... it's a sad secret that both Demetrius and Helena will never know. At one point I thought it's a silent punishment for their spiteful acts."  
"Their sin is they loved?"  
Another knot.  
"You might want to read it again, though that could be wasting time."  
Another pull.  
"Too tight?" the teacher asks. The student just lightly shakes his head. 

Kyouya moves on to Ren's other foot. His toes curl at the foreign touch.

"What kind of a highschooler lets his teacher tie shoelaces for him?"

"This is the first and last that I'll be doing this for the highschool student Ren-kun."

Ren silently grips on the bedsheets. His orbs show a losing battle--a loving gaze that has lost its will to burn. The raven hair right in his sight paint his jade eyes black.  
"Sensei," once again in his low voice. 

Just when Kyouya starts to finish the knot, a shadow looms over his own--following a figure leaning towards him. He intends to ignore it, until he feels a light weight on his hair and slightly hear the syllables:

 _"sayonara."_

 

 

That moment becomes the last talk Kyouya will have with Ren. Graduation comes fast unlike the crawling days of emptiness--in a sea of applause, Ren turns his back on the teacher he wished to stand beside with. 

 

 

 

~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~

 

Ren's boots clang against the metal stairs of the bus. His hand lingers on the cold steel pole while looking for a seat. Finding it almost empty, he sits by the window on a three-seater to his right. The fluorescent light in the bus seems to have a tinge of dark so his eyes find comfort in the view outside--the evening winter sky lined with black skyscrapers and their tiny lights. 

It's been a while since he last went to his hometown to visit his parents and meet with some of his friends. Some of his former schoolmates are still there--started their own business, some started their own families. 

Catching up with him has a template. He's part-timing as a tutor to some kids, he recently quit a full-time job [which he won't mention what was] because he didn't like how the higher ups play the game. His relationship status will only be answered depending on who asks him. 

Coming home wasn't really hard; it's when old classmates say "Let's make a surprise visit at the school!", especially when Ren has been struggling to kill his affection for their former teacher. He's dodged the invitations every time, but his list of possible excuses is running short.

Times like this, when he's being nostalgic, he's always equipped with his playlist, mp3 player and earphones. As his stare at the city-at-night outside the window becomes empty subconscious thoughts, the playlist goes without being appreciated.

It's been so long; when was the last time he had a really good sleep?  
That songs weren't just sounds?  
That being with people didn't seem as much tiring?  
When was the last time he dreamed?

_'Dream'_

In a rare occasion, Ren digs his bag for that book that, out of wanting to leave a juvenile imprint, he didn't bother to return to the school library. It has always been in his bag, but he almost never opened it again. He almost finished the book once in high school, but didn't bother to read to the last--besides, he was supplemented with an audio book that he played almost six times and the final track more than eight.   
His thumb slides over the cover before he fully opens the book. 

_'I must've been really a fool...'_

Feeling the ridges, he idly flips the book's pages until he notices there was a slight pause somewhere in its third quarter. In a spur of curiosity, he thumbs the ridges again and flips through to find that section where it paused. It takes him a third try to find a folded piece of yellow pad-- torn sides, just 11-lines worth with cross-forming creases that indicate that it was folded in many ways.

_'I don't remember using bookmarks...'_

He removes the paper to read the page...He doesn't remember ever reaching this point.  
Just then, he notices the romaji writing on the paper; he opens it to fully read and finds cursive writing in black ink:

_The truth begins with two  
If I just do my thing & you do yours  
we stand in the danger of losing each other & ourselves  
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations  
But I am in this world to confirm you  
as a unique human being  
and to be confirmed by you   
We are fully ourselves only in relation to each other.  
The "I" detached from a "thou" disintegrates..._

Ren flips the paper to see if there's more.

_I do not find you by chance,  
I find you by an active life of reaching out._

_Rather than passively letting things happen to me,  
I can act intentionally to make them happen._

_I must begin with myself, true  
But I must not end with myself  
The truth begins with two. _

 

He read the whole poem...he understood the words...what it means as a whole, he's not sure. He's also not sure as to who left the paper in the book... But surely, it wasn't his nor Reiji's writing, and that the paper wasn't there when he borrowed it from the library. Now that he checks the library borrowers sheet at the book's back cover, it's not there.   
His heart thrums with the mystery and makes an odd beat. He knows he's getting ideas and that they're not worth betting on.

 

 

 

At the bus station, Ren easily spots Takeru among the crowd. Takeru waves his arms and squeezes himself through the sea of people to get to Ren.  
"Hey!" he greets.  
"Yo. I could've just went to where you were..."  
"It's fine, I couldn't just be still. Got more baggage?"  
Ren pulls his backpack, "N-n. Mind if we stop for coffee before heading home?"  
"I was going to ask you the same. RushHour's got this special blend for the season. C'mon!"

 

RushHour cafe isn't as busy as it sounds. The owner even got to chat with the two former student customers.  
"How fast you grow..."   
"Glad to see you still have this sofa, Ryouta-san." Ren makes himself comfortable with his favourite blue couch. Takeru sits beside him.   
"Apparently, you're not the only one who likes that eyesore so I kept it. If you need anything, just ask, okay?"  
The owner leaves them with their mint choco and cherry-blended coffee (which reminds them immediately of Reiji). Suddenly, Takeru receives an emergency call from his wife and has to leave as soon as possible. Ren says he understands and urges his friend to leave right then.

The town may have changed a lot, but RushHour's pretty much the same; even the owner didn't look much older than when Ren first met him.   
Maybe if he sees his former teachers, they will still look the same--Ren thinks.

"Mind if I sit here?" someone calls Ren's attention. He looks up to see a person in his mind incarnate.   
"H-Haruka-sensei...?" he shifts on the couch to welcome him. Haruka-sensei thanks him and lands on the couch with an "Ah!"  
"Glad to see you in town. It's been so long, Ren-kun! You never visited school!"  
"I...I'm glad to see you, too, Haruka-sensei."  
His guess was true. The nurse still looks the same, though his hair is a bit shorter.  
"Your hair looks good..." Ren never complimented about hair, but suddenly felt like saying it.  
"Oh, heheh...thank you How odd, you noticed. You grew your hair a bit longer, huh? Suits you, you look beautiful."  
They both pause like a thunder just clapped on them. Ren chooses not to mind the last part.  
"But really, it's been years. How are you, Ren-kun?"  
"I'm...fine. I tutor kids for now." Ren feels like just saying 'fine' is not gonna work with Haruka-sensei.   
"Wow! That's great. You know, Kyouya always told me you work well around kids..."

 _'Ah...there it goes...'_ Ren's been avoiding it, but of course, what does Haruka-sensei know? 

"How about you, Haruka-sensei?"  
"Ahh... I'm still your same ol' male nurse at the now co-ed school. After your batch graduated, there've been female students enrolling. It was really cute looking at your juniors stare at the girls like lovesick puppies...at the same time it was refreshing. Well, there's the getting-used-to and a few adjustments...Even Kyouya drank more cups of coffee during those days."  
The nurse pauses and takes a sip of his coffee while Ren just fiddles with his cup of cherry mixed coffee. A familiar tune plays at the background making their eyes look at each other. Haruka-sensei gives a knowing smile.

_「Once, I loved  
And I gave so much love to this love  
you were the world to me」_

"Ryouta-san knows his guests well."  
"You left the probability that it's coincidence, sensei."  
"I'd rather not believe in mere coincidences, Ren-kun..."  
There's something in the way Haruka-sensei said those words but Ren opts not to dwell on it. They just silently listen to the song.

_「Then one day from my infinite sadness you came and brought me love again」_

"Say, Ren-kun...are you seeing someone now?"

_'The third question...'_

It takes the former student a while to collect his thoughts for the right answer.

"...I couldn't love anyone else other than the one I loved..."

There's a layering air of silence--as if he's answered the toughest question in his whole life.   
"A-ah...I see..." the older man answers. He breathes heavily and his eyes stray away from Ren.  
"Whoever that someone is, they must be really special..."

_「Love is the saddest thing when it goes away...」_

 

 

Ren leaves ahead of Haruka-sensei. Upon exiting the cafe, he bumps on another familiar face.  
"I'm sorry! Are you alright?--"  
"Mama--I mean-Touya?"  
"R-Ren-kun?! Is that really you?" the artist stares agape while his hands give away the paper bags he's holding. Ren thinks the fretful nature in Touya hasn't changed; he picks up the paper bags by the strings and hands them over.  
"Good to see you, Touya...how are you?"   
"Ah, thank you. I'm fine! I'm freelancing now and am thinking of staying here for a while...Enough of me! Where're you headed to by the way??"  
"I'm supposed to be heading to Makoto's house..."  
"I see...Maybe next time let's have some coffee and catch up, ne? Ah! B-by the way, d-did you see...--i-is...HaveyoubumpedontoHaruka-senseiinsidethecafe?" Touya's demeanor turned from happy to anxious--blushing, even.   
Ren smiles knowingly; he steps aside the doorway to let Touya pass. "Yeah. He's still inside. Check the couch."   
"T-thanks. Uh, wait!" Touya stops right by the door and digs one of the paperbags, fishing out a small cream-colored envelope with Ren's name and hands it to him. He opens it and reads the small card inside.   
"Kyouya-sensei wanted me to hand out invitations for the Open House Christmas Fair. Suzuki and Yamato's band will be there, among our other batchmates. I hope you could come!" Touya explains.   
"...who?..."  
"Hm? Suzuki and Yamato--remember, from section A?"  
"...No, I mean--Kyouya-sensei..?"  
"Ah, yes!"

 

 

~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~

Old friends and teachers reunite on the day of the Christmas fair. There are also families with little children going around and about every stalls and booths. Colorful confetti and decorations enhance the festivities as some of the students welcome their guests with wonderful circus-themed costumes. 

On one side of the grounds lays a huge picnic blanket where Ren's friends and batchmates are. Some of them couldn't make it while some promised to come later. Those who are present are eating bento prepared by Souma, along with exquisite sake sent by Soujiro. Makoto brings his kid with him, instantly making the boy a darling in their small crowd.

"Hello guys! 's good the weather's not too chilly for a picnic! Where are the others?" Makoto greets.  
"Izu can't go. He's on a family trip to visit his gran'parents." Wakatoshi says.   
"Tokiya and Kurou-san are both busy in Los Angeles while Ryuu is with his fiancee in Rome!" Ai tells everyone as he places Makoto's baby son on his lap. Beside him, Yu makes cutesy funny faces to amuse the child.   
"Who knew that Ryuu can fall in love?" Katsuo jests; he's drinking beer with Hideki and Akira.   
"I heard Kei's made it to Hollywood as a professional stuntman--and trainer, even!" Makoto says before chomping on a tempura.  
"Wow! Just like Souh-chan--he's now in the world of hairdressing and make-up; a different line of service, he says. He's now a sought-after stylist in Europe." Hinata adds.   
"...so many things have changed. Even Soujiro who used to send me letters now has no time to reply..." Hajime sulks while Sousuke pats his back.   
"It's because he can't keep up with your daily letters, Hajime-nii-san. Just give him time to reply to all of your mail." Sousuke says. "...Why not just visit him in Kyoto? or use your smartphone and use video call."  
"It's not the same...and I don't like that kind of stuff, I just miss him more!"  
"W-well... Hey, if there's one thing that didn't change it's how young Yuyu looks!" Takeru tries to divert the talk to prevent Hajime from being down.   
"Eeeh?? That's mean, Tacchan! I've been wanting to achieve a more mature look, you see?" the young senpai pouts.   
"You'll never achieve that if you keep on wearing pinks and baby blues!" Ai comments.  
"...look who's talking." Wakatoshi murmurs but receives Ai's elbow to his side.   
"Wearing pastel colors makes you look young...but I think it suits you more than dark colored clothes, Yuu-"   
Touya's voice trails off when someone walks to their group.

"Aah...look who's here." the newcomer speaks. The rest look up to where Touya's staring at. 

"Haruka-sensei!!!" they say in unison.  
"Hello, my dear students. Mind if I join you?"  
"Not at all, sensei! Geez, talk about things that doesn't change--you didn't age!" Hinata speaks what majority of them thought. As Haruka-sensei removes his shoes, the former students move some bento boxes here and there to make space; but the nurse walks to Yuu who's beside a frozen Touya.   
"Yuu-kun, do you--"  
"Hai, sensei!" he diligently slides away to allow a seat. When Touya feels Haruka-sensei's presence beside him, he sideglances and squeaks when he notices the nurse looking at him.   
"Hello, Touya-kun."  
Touya squeaks again, his face turns red. Everyone is smiling as they look at the scene.   
"H-hello, t-too....H-Ha-Haru...ka-sen..sei...." he avoids looking at the sensei and prefers to look at his own trembling hands atop his folded knees.   
"....he's too damn obvious..." Wakatoshi snorts. "Which reminds me...Are Reiji and Shun--"  
"HERE!HERE!" the scientist runs towards the picnic--huffing because of his huge camping bag; Shun soon follows carrying with him a stuffy backpack.   
"We were at the mountains searching for new species of wild mushrooms! Well, a lot happened then Takahiro's helicopter saved us!--By the way, he said he's sorry he can't make it because he's busy preparing for a grand ball for their business partners; we're also welcome to go if we want to! Hey Mama Touya, you're red!--judging from your color, it seems to be the effect of a rush of dopamine--"   
"Okay, stopstopstopstop!" Shun hushes Reiji. "Oro, I thought he went ahead of us, but where's Ren?" 

 

 

~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~‘~

_The dark sky in the night of a new moon,  
The thorns blossoming out of a rose’s body,   
The dark rings of an aged wood,  
The wick of a candle...  
All these things I mysteriously love,  
But no metaphors can describe  
How much I love a mystery that is you..._

 

Ren grips the invitation card inside his coat pocket. His ears feel odd without the earphones; hearing the sounds, the people and the loud music makes him overwhelmed in a not so positive manner. He wanted to be sure about what he's doing so he thought leaving the comfort of his earphones will 'help'. The campus is packed with people--strangers--and has never looked and felt so foreign to him before. 

He was never good with crowds and loud noises. He wasn't even feeling much well ever since he got the invitation some days ago.   
Feeling nauseated, Ren starts to doubt himself if it was right to be there.  
"Here."  
Until someone grabs him by the arm and drags him away from the sea of people. He barely heard what or if anything was even said; with his head down, Ren just knows he's being lead by someone to somewhere. All he's seeing are people's shoes and little children below his height. 

His lungs feel the difference in air and space. The shoes disappear in sight and are replaced with the familiar bricks leading to the gardens behind the campus. They stop walking, but the grip on Ren's arm is still there. His other arm holds on his knee as his lungs indulge with fresh air. His view now is the green grass glistening with sunset light--and a pair of black leather shoes. 

"s-Sen...sei...?" Ren slowly looks up. 

"Finally you noticed." the familiar voice said. 

"...You looked like you're gonna faint. Good thing I got you--"   
The next thing Kyouya-sensei hears is the sound of their coats muffling as Ren's face dunks onto his chest. Ren's hands grip at Kyouya's jacket, but no matter how much he tried, the tears swelled with all the years they've been held.

"What's with that invitation...? You still don't like the word 'enigma'..." he whispers.  
"Huh?"   
"...Kyouya-sensei...Sorry..." Ren sobs, but he smiles. "...It must've been hard for you..."   
Kyouya's left hand reaches for Ren's head and strokes his hair; realizing what his former student meant, his other arm wraps around Ren's shoulders.

"It took you a while, huh?" 

 

'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'*'

 

"Got the word from Touru-sama. The fireworks are ready, Kyouya-sensei~"  
"Thank you, Jean. Will you be watching the fireworks here?"   
"Much as I want to, I have to check the stage equipment and the concert grounds next."  
"Thanks for your hard work."  
"Thanks for your hard work, too, sensei. Please take this time to enjoy because that's what I volunteered for. Au revoir!"  
Jean exits the rooftop, leaving the place to Kyouya and Ren. 

"Hey..." the teacher asks his former student. Ren's staring at nowhere with his hands on his lower face.   
"...If this is a dream, I don't ever want to wake up...more like, I won't be able to wake up if this is all just a--"   
Kyouya-sensei snatches Ren's right hand and kisses its knuckles.   
"After all the wait, don't go saying that."

_'He waited?'_

"...but you said before...you don't want to be my anchor..." remembering pains Ren even now. 

"I said it because it was a time when you're just about to sail...students should set out to find their dreams--I wouldn't do anything to crush yours just before you could find what it was."

"...But _you_ are my dream, sensei..." Ren says in a low voice with a slight pout. His words make Kyouya's brows meet, despite the blush on his cheeks. Kyouya's fingers tighten around Ren's hand, as his other hand forms a fist while he feigns a cough. 

"I also said it's your choice how you can make yourself stay...a-Anyway...you said you're part-timing as a tutor. Do you have other plans when you get back there?" 

"Mm..." the stars that Ren missed so much are exhilarating. The scenery is even more beautiful because of the person adoring it with him. "...I have no other plans as of the moment."   
" Well, we have a teacher who's leaving after this school year..."   
Ren easily gets the message. His eyes shine as they look at Kyouya.   
"...Sensei..."  
"...That is, just if you really want to. And you might want to stop calling me 'sensei', Ren."

_'He dropped the '-kun' '_

"But it feels wrong without the 'sensei'...How about 'Kyouya-san'?"  
They both furiously blush with their name calling.   
"Sen--Kyouya-san, will you answer my questions?"  
"Hn."  
"Not every invitation had the same poem, right?"  
"...Why do you ask?"   
The first boom of the fireworks stuns them both and they look up to the colorful sparkles in the sky. Ren wonders how he could say his thoughts without sounding off.   
"I had thought of similar lines...back then when I was still a student...they made me think of you."  
His voice race against the booming sounds of the fireworks.  
"Sorry, I couldn't hear you. Can you repeat?" Kyouya says in a slightly louder voice; but Ren can't muster the courage to say it again.   
"Nevermind." he answers back, and they turn to look at the colorful display in the sky.

Somehow Ren feels Kyouya's hand over his; making their fingers lock and grip tightly.   
"...love you."   
Even with the loud stirring noises, Ren caught the most important words he's been yearning to hear from the one he loves. And even when it took years of unspoken love and pain, this one moment--the mark of a beginning--beats everything. He can hear it as he can feel it. 

"It's too loud." Kyouya utters with a smile.   
"...hai." Ren returns the smile.

**Author's Note:**

> _Extra_
> 
> _Ren: "Oh, now that I remember it...the book..."  
>  Kyouya: "Hm?"  
> Ren: "A Midsummer Night's Dream."  
> Kyouya: "Ahh...I swapped yours with mine."  
> Ren: "Huh...? But how...?"  
> Kyouya: *feigns a cough* "Well, you always had it with you whenever you sleep at Haruka's office."  
> Ren: "But why?"  
> Kyouya: "How do you think you graduated from this school when you still have a book loaned from the library? We're not that kind."   
> Ren: "....so you returned it for me...."  
> Kyouya: "...you didn't even plan on returning it in the first place..." _
> 
> __
> 
>  
> 
> thanks for reading!
> 
> references:  
> A Midsummer Night's Dream - on the Love Juice part, King Oberon put Love Juice on Demetrius to make him fall for Helena that's why it's kind of an unreal love. (When I read it for the first time, I was happy...but after some time I started to wonder...you can pretty much say that I based that part of Kyouya-sensei to myself ^^ )
> 
>  
> 
> Once I Loved by Antonio Carlos Jobim is a song with bittersweet lyrics. You may find many artists who made their versions but it's all credited to Jobim. The yellow spine? My mom has a CD of Jobim and its cover is Yellow.... so there. ^^ 
> 
>  
> 
> The poem that Ren found on the yellow paper is Beyond Perls by W. Tubbs. This part is also from personal experience because when I was digging my old books I found a piece of yellow paper with the lines of the poem--but it has no title. And it was in my writing, so it had to be special to me to so far as handcopy the poem so I googled it and found out the title {and that I misspelled/miscopied some parts}. 
> 
> Somehow these pieces fell together while I was thinking of what to write--I really wanted to write about Ren and Kyouya and if this fic made you feel happy somehow then all the effort is well worth it. I might miss some points to reference, so just tell me if you have questions. 
> 
>  
> 
> and yes, Haruka/Touya is another guilty ship of mine xD


End file.
